For those of you that don’t know, the last year and a half has been a struggle for me. I graduated high school with what I now call the Big Explosion of Death (BEoD). While it’s not appropriate to explain it in detail I will tell you that it was a series of poor decisions that compromised my character.
So I escaped, first to Josh Kaiser in Toledo, OH and then to Cedar Campus to heal. (Benny told me I would enjoy working there the fall before the BEoD). Over the course of the summer I pondered what I should do with not only my life but also how to pick up the pieces of the BEoD.
After I decided that I was not stable enough to go to college (I was thinking about taking a year off since January) an offer to work in the inner city of Toledo with Josh’s Father came up. Sadly, I started talking to people about it. Some thought it was a great idea and others did not. More or less, I chose to go to college because that’s what society expected.
Going to Michigan State University was great on some levels. Our Father never wastes a step. I started building strong relationships with friends I made at Cedar that lived near East Lansing in Grand Rapids. (I still don’t think he knows how much his friendship means to me). I started building friendships with guys on my floor (The Boys of 5 South), especially my roommate. And I got my first taste of geographical independence.
But on lots of levels it was the worst decision I could have made. I wasn’t healed enough from the BEoD and I hadn’t picked up any of the pieces. I went not for myself but for other people and their expectations. And I wasn’t near strong godly influences all the time. I went into a state of depression and stopped going to class. I just gave up.
This summer I went back home. I worked at Maranatha (the summer conference center I grew up at) and was surrounded by people that watched me grow up and have loved me since I was born. I was starting to heal.
Mistakenly, I went back to Michigan State this fall (thinking I was ready). And I slid back into the funk of living in other people’s expectations and gave up again (on school). So I had a lot of time on my hands. I started thinking and getting to know Our Father again. I spent a lot of time with my roommate from last year and he helped me through a lot of what I needed to work through.
NOW! I am getting joy back. Slowly but surly Our Father is giving me life again. He is a God of process and there is no escaping it. I have learned so much, an unimaginable amount from this last year and a half. It was hard and painful but it enabled me to start living in freedom.
To Live! L'khayím!
